Sunday, October 17, 2004
Ok. So I bought Kitchie Nadal's new album. It costs P280 lang! I was pissed with what happened at the music shack. wag nyo na alamin.Gawd. I can't stop listening to.. "wag na wag mong sasabihin" and lalo na yung "same ground". Shet. I feel kinda dysphoric while listening to "same ground". It brings me back to the day I left him. It brings back the emotions I felt after saying goodbye. (aww..) Uh-oh.. I can sense Nostalgia's coming for a visit tonight. I can really relate to it mann! The Lyrics.. it's was like.. it was like.. written for me! waaa!
Here's the line I like best... It's actually the chorus..
"Coz now I don't understand why I'm feeling so bad when I know it was my idea. I could've just denied the truth and lied. Now why am I the only one who's standing stranded on the same ground."
chaka eto..
"Because I have learned that love is beyond what human can imagine, the more it clears the more I have to let you go.
It's something like that. Gulo kasi nung lyrics sa cover eh. Waa! LSS parin ako! I love this song!
Currently feeling : nostalgic and missing someone.
Music of the moment: Obvious ba? -- "same ground"
silent_incantations
were spoken at...6:50 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2004
I'm sick. *sniff sniff* I did'nt attend CAT. I'm too weak. Aww.. My throat's still sore. The weather's so hot and I'm still not allowed to drink cold water. (the agony!!!)
Oh no. It's almost 10 PM na pala and I'm still online. This sucks. Di na pala pwede mag online pag gabe *sigh* I'm sensing Mom and I will have another arguement tonight. I can feel it. I'm preparing for it. hayy...
I've been a little paranoid lately. I still can't get over this jittery feeling. I'm planning to uninstall ym. (why? uhmm... i don't know. Siguro pag tinopak ako.)
silent_incantations
were spoken at...6:38 PM
Friday, October 15, 2004
Here Majic, I'm putting it here now...
Okay. So a LOT of "unfortunate things" has happened today at school. There a lot of hot-headed people. Grabe daming nag-away. First was, Nikki and Soleil. (hmm.. kasali yata ako dun ah?! pero naayos naman ang problema.) By the time I realized that it was already time for Music class,pucha cutting classes na daw ako! (ngayon lang uli ako nagka-kaso ah!) We skipped Music class and stayed in the classroom to end the issue with soleil about the groupings. Next on the "quarrel list" was Tasha and Carlo. (they fought about the play.. i think?) Then, Reynolds and my ex-bestbud Keiji almost had a fight. (almost lang ha. di natuloy eh) Then..(muntik na!) ina Jeline naman at Carlo uli! Grabe. So many unfortunate things happened today.
Oh and the "teasing stuff" going on inside the classroom is starting to go too far. Tukso dito, tukso doon! Grabe na! Yung iba naiinis na hehehe syempre gantihan nalang 'toh!
This class is fun!
silent_incantations
were spoken at...4:08 PM
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
I didn't do well at speech. I'm disappointed. I could've done better.. I could've done better *sigh* The whole class recited individually a peice entitled "Despair of Judas" (gawd.. the title.. so..so.. bewitching!) And so.. Mrs. Sandy called us one by one.. I couldn't wait for my turn to be called, guess who volunteered..!?! ME.
My whole body was trembling by the time I was infront. I was so confident. I was confident coz I memorized it. And so.. I recited word by word.. when all of a sudden.. oOoOoPpPss... MENTAL BLOCK!!!! I was so embarrased! *hides at one corner* I acted like a crackpot lunatic infront of everybody! waaaaa!!!
I was given another chance. And so I recited what was left in my amnesiac mind and finished the peice. Grabe talagang ginalingan ko nalang ang pag arte para makabawi dahil di ko memorize. Kahit talagang nagmuka na kong tanga.. I'm surprised I still got a 94.
here's the peice...It's so bewitching!
"Despair Of Judas"
I will rest, here, a while. His Face! His face not comely now. There is no beauty in it. It is scarred into my heart. It is burned into my soul and never will it lift from me until I die.
Die? Will death quench the flames which consume me? Traitor. Not endless years in hell will pay for murdering the son of God!
And Last night. He dealt with me so gently. He washed my feet. He bade me, put my hands into the cup with His. While in my purse there jingled the coins which bought his blood. It were better for that man that he had never been born! Who? Who But I? Who but I? I who betrayed Him.
What a day... =( *sigh*
silent_incantations
were spoken at...2:39 PM
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Oh it's 12 today .. hapi hapi..
silent_incantations
were spoken at...2:20 PM
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Happy birthday Chise!
I'm so tired. I jut got back from Asiza's(Chise) birthday blowout. 'Twas fun though there were only 6 of us. It's been a long time since I last got out with my kins. It's so hard to ask permission from mom. Having to ask permission to go out is such a nuisance!
I wanna be free. (not free from a birdcage or anything..) It's just that, I wanna have my independence. Ahem.. objections..? Yeah,I know there are some who would disapprove (I don't care) I know I'm still childish. Some of us still are, right? I guess it's my juvenile behavior that gives off this impression of me being ahem...immature and not capable of handling things the right way.
*Stares at the wall...Thinks for a moment*
(tic toc tic toc... BAM!!!)
So I'm childish.. SO WHAT?!
(What da hell am I talking about?!) This is just going in circles. My point is. When I say..
"Mom, can I go out...?
*Karla drops to her knees raising her hands clasped together*
I just wish I could hear her say "ok".
Buti nga nagpapa-alam pa ko e! hindi na ako tumatakas. Pero kahit naman magpa-alam at magpaliwanang nang maayos di parin pinapayagan eh! Kaya minsan kailangan mo pang magsinungaling para payagan ka. *sigh*
silent_incantations
were spoken at...4:24 PM
Friday, October 08, 2004
There.
Atlast. I finished changing the template. I'm so sleepy. zZzZzZzzzz...
A LOT has happened today. I'm too tired to type. My eyes hurt. I just finished crying. Don't ask me why. I don't even understand how and why it happened in the first place. And I know people won't mind about the "unfortunate" things that happened to me this day anyway...
I'm so tired. It's almost midnight *yawn* zZzZzZz.. off to sleep.
bye.
silent_incantations
were spoken at...11:47 PM
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
I just gotta let this out..
I'm so paranoid right now.. Can't calm myself down.. I can't get this jittery feeling to evanesce! damn it! After I read "that" I can't help but feel so paranoid! I feel so skeptical about it right now.. Ugh. uhm.. wat if..?! wat if..?! ugh grrrrrr!!!
These dubious thoughts keep on twirling inside my head and eventually makes my eyes all bleary. Okay, so I admit it.. I am a perferct example of an anachronism. I'm still stuck in that state where you feel like everything that's happening around you is equivocal and ambiguous,every mawkish words you hear is feign and decietful and if you put down your guard, it might even destroy you!
You can't get doubt out of your system,it controls you. Like a puppet manipulated by the puppetmaster. Nadir dominated by the zenith. You think of every flaw that you can think of and blame it on him even if it happened a long time ago. I'm still cradled in yesterday's spellbinding arms that wouldn't let go.
I can't get over this feeling. It makes me feel so weak. Each one of us has his or her own downfall. This is mine. No matter how hard I try to hide my emotions, situations like this bring out the frail side of me. It makes me feel so pathetic. It urges me to hurt myself. Then there's this deep desire of cutting though I promised never to do it again. This feeling. This overwhelming desire wherein you lust for hurt, physically. It makes me wanna get my blade out of it's long retirement.
Oh how I wish this "writer's block would end. I write poetry to divert my attention. I want to recrudesce myself back into writing poetry after this long period of quiescence. But it seems that my ingenious mind and inquisitiveness for poetry has vanished. I wanna write.. I wanna write! *sigh* I suppose my poetic mind is still in it's deep slumber.
It I cant get out of this puzzle. Seek I did for an exit. There was none.
silent_incantations
were spoken at...2:15 PM
Friday, October 01, 2004
tang ina. You're all i have. Why did I let u go..?
silent_incantations
were spoken at...1:26 PM